When I was away, Mea was neglecting all of her schedule. All she did was play play and play. Skipped schools and tuition classes. No wonder I don't have the mood before the trip. I knew this would happened. This is one of the reason I don't really enjoy myself. Does a mother really couldn't have fun? nu-uh... not me! I can be a responsible mother and still living my life. non of whuttafak other people think. Uh... suddenly me being emotional bitch. We'll get to that later.
So, when I got back, I told Mea to complete her homeworks and no tv until further notice. I thought it would be easy. I never knew being straight was kinda hard as I never been one before. tiiihiiiii... rules were made to be broken isn't it? Not between me and my girl that is. What a veto am I? It was hard to stick to my words on grounding her in her room with out TV and toys. When she cried, she look so damn cute and it almost melt me. See, kids have a thing that makes them so lovable and hug-able. Today, I manage to play the strict mom thing. But when I peeked at her into her room just now, I just wanna keep on kissing her and let her watch her favorite cartoon. I manage to control myself till she completes her homework. Still, no TV! She just went to bed. Owh, how I love you....
Having her is my biggest achievement. Watching her grow and learn new things everyday making me proud of myself. Just by looking at her soothes every heartaches I ever had. There are times where I almost give up on myself by the judgmental people I was surrounded with. None ever think that I'll manage to get thru this stage. How funny the mind of the nosy people works. Believing what they see without ever knowing it at the same time acting like they knew everything - when I don't give a damn and don't even know them till date. Ignorance is a bliss when it come to these people. I just don't like it when it comes to my knowledge without me wanting it. It almost let out the bitter side of me. What pleasures me just won't pleasure you. Believe me. Along came Mea, I became wiser. There's nothing that can make me jeopardize this. All speech and action I manage to think thoroughly before projecting it out. All the decisions I make I have thought thru the pros and cons. Like I mentioned just now, "What pleasures me just won't pleasure you." Seems all the things I did does not make other people happy. All they see is negativity. I don't have the time to explain to them every single thing I do as they are nothing to me.
Rewind things back, words were thrown at me are shit nasty and manage to make me sad, even thought not for long because when I sad, I paaartayyy! They see me party hard, but they don't know that I do work my ass of for everything I get and everything that were thrown at me. People said that I'm not a good mother, because I'm young (am I?) I'm small, and I don't have enough time-money-energy.. but who are you to tell that to people? Ever been into my shoe? Manage to get in to my head? How did Mea turns out now? Why not they just leave us alone? What ever shits happens to us are not of their business and they are not the one who takes the blame if anything wrong ever happens. I was the one. I was the one who's gonna be there when she's down or up. Perhaps they are just concerned about us, perhaps no bad intentions there. But for once, believe in me. Or even better, don't bother at all.
S]&$, h(*^$#@, etc were sort of calling names for me for those who totally have no idea about me and thought they did. Pity them for tiring their brain filling it with that kinda idea. Perhaps they enjoyed it. How funny when it came to my knowledge of the things they spread around this little island. Trying to make my life stops. Little that they knew I don't give a damn about it and living my life to the fullest. Meanwhile, what are they having. I am blessed that even though not much, those in my rainbow circle are caring and loving our little lives. We hugged and kissed every single chance we get daily. You guys made my world. I have a small family and friends (if you add them up its less than 10), but they are all I ever needed. Your love and support completes me. At times you put me down but you never forget to lift me up again.
At the end of the day, I am blessed and thankful with what I have. At times I felt like I don't deserve it and I cherish every single moment I have. For all the happiness given to me, nothing more I could wish for. After all, my focus is HAPPINESS and other sweets will come along.....
S]&$, h(*^$#@, etc were sort of calling names for me for those who totally have no idea about me and thought they did. Pity them for tiring their brain filling it with that kinda idea. Perhaps they enjoyed it. How funny when it came to my knowledge of the things they spread around this little island. Trying to make my life stops. Little that they knew I don't give a damn about it and living my life to the fullest. Meanwhile, what are they having. I am blessed that even though not much, those in my rainbow circle are caring and loving our little lives. We hugged and kissed every single chance we get daily. You guys made my world. I have a small family and friends (if you add them up its less than 10), but they are all I ever needed. Your love and support completes me. At times you put me down but you never forget to lift me up again.
At the end of the day, I am blessed and thankful with what I have. At times I felt like I don't deserve it and I cherish every single moment I have. For all the happiness given to me, nothing more I could wish for. After all, my focus is HAPPINESS and other sweets will come along.....
No comments:
Post a Comment